Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Standards

A girl's gotta have standards.
This weekend I spent a few frustrated hours at the beach late night style, by myself sitting in the dark. I worried my sister as she feared I would be abducted and end up on Dateline next month. I was thinking, talking to friends, texting and sending pictures of my feet in the sand to twitter.

Standards, standards, standards...it was all I could think about. The standards to which I hold my friends, my parents, myself, men...probably why I'm single.

A girls gotta have standards though.
Are standards black and white? When do we make exceptions? In talking to a friend who shared a similar experience growing up, I realized that the standards I once held my father to have changed...have they lowered? No, I don't think so. Have I realized that he's not who I want him to be...but instead someone I can love, learn from, count on in a different way? Yes. If I let myself.

I have to keep my standards when it comes to matters of my heart though, a girls gotta.
You don't get to choose your parents. But I will choose the next him. Hopefully the last him. I know I write about this a lot...and I fear gaining the reputation of sad single girl. I most def am not, blogging is more to me than posting pictures though...it's a release. I know, as so many of you have told me, that when you know, you know, that it will happen when you least expect it, and I'm cool with that, really, I am.

I can't help but wonder (hello Carrie Bradshaw, sorry), if my standards are TOO high. Is that even possible? I just hate that weird feeling, the red flags that so often I've ignored, the settling...the I KNEW YOU WOULD DO THAT fights, or thoughts..that have left me walking a mile down the Vegas strip alone at 3am in a mini and 5 inchers, being followed by creeps, afraid to call my friends or family for fear of " I told you so's..." because I already told myself so. Nobody is harder on me...than me.

Standards. I'm sticking to my standards. They're high. And when I meet him, and I just know, and it's when I least expect it, I won't have to lower them. If anything...he better raise me up, he's gotta.

XOXO,
Liz

42 comments:

brooke said...

love this love you love friggen elliot....

standards cannot be TOO high...especially when it comes to the one you basically hand your heart over to expecting to share a completely amazing life (through the good and the bad)...someone to hold and nurture your heart...the one that is expected to protect and shield it from pain and sorrow...the one that is supposed to "lift you so high you have to look down to see heaven"...the one that you are destined for is becoming the man that he is expected to be for you...everyday he is going through trials and lessons to be the best possible soulmate for you...and everyday that that happens is one day closer to the day you two will meet and you will know that it was him all along...even if you have yet to come across him...and through these lessons you too are learning to be the best possible version of yourself for him...

love you forever and always...

Kristen said...

please please please always stick to your standards. you have to know what YOU want because in the end that is the rewarding part is finding what YOU picked and wanted in someone. it will happen. be patient! :)

♥ H ♥ said...

Umm did you sneak into my brain and write what I have been feeling?! Sometimes I feel I have high standars but then I realize I just know what I want and I'm not gonna settle. And ONE DAY (please be soon bc I'm sick of watching all my friends get married while I get drunk at their receptions) he will come...when I least expect it. But hot damn can he please hurry!!

sarah said...

There is no such thing as standards that are too high. When the perfect him comes along you will know and you will be so thankful you were patient.

Remember: you deserve nothing but the best.

Marjorie said...

I know it's cliche and I remember when I was single how much I hated to hear it over and over, but it's true, so I'll repeat it, the right guy is totally worth the wait. He's worth the assholes you've dated. He's worth the broken heart and the bruised ego. When I finally met my husband, I felt that I DESERVED him because I had made it through all the assholes and losers and I hadn't settled. I held out for what I knew I wanted and what I deserved and because of that, when he finally came along, I had earned the happiness I found with him. The same thing will happen for you...all of you..."when you least expect it". You just have to be patient and refuse to settle and have fun in the meantime! (I was dating two other guys when I met my hubby!) Be open to love and don't let the douchebags scare you into putting up walls. I've been in love many times and I've had my heart broken just as many times, but it was all worth it. What's that quote about having rather loved and lost than never loved at all....yeah, that's me.

High-heelgal said...

I think sometimes we tend to think our standards are too high when we're lonely and tired of doing the single thing. But...don't give in to this type of thinking! Your standards are NOT too high and there is a man out there who will reach them and respect them.

I used to lower my expectations on nights when I went out just to find someone for "that night." To me, that was okay because I knew I wasn't looking for a boyfriend. But when I went on real dates, if the guy didn't meet my standards, he was out. It took a long time, but I finally snagged a guy who met all my standards, and then some...they do exist!

Rachel said...

Yes there is no such thing as standards that are set too high! I myself have lower them dangerously in past relationships and it always ended in tears and reason drinking! After the last huge mistake i've told myself that the next him will treat my dented heart with the respect it deserves or i'm out of there!

J-Diggety said...

Oh Miss Lizzy Marie... never second-guess yourself or your standards. You are FAB and your standards are just as they should be. Your heart knows, in a very ancient, wise, timeless kind of way, so trust it... now if only I could take my own advice! ;)

Kristin said...

You deserve the best and there is absolutely no reason to expect less. An amazing person like yourself deserves someone equally amazing and he's out there. It took me over a decade of dating to find mine. Best lesson I can give you is to give the nice guys a shot. I don't know how many sweet guys I blew off simply because they were sweet. The hubs is one of the nice ones but he's got a little bit of unexpected edge that I never would have found out about if I hadn't finally gotten off the arsehole train. Hugs.

drollgirl said...

hmmm. standards are good. and i bet yours are very high, and that is just fine as you deserve someone that is a real live keeper!

i get confused about the talk of "the one". it makes me think i haven't found that person.

and then i am reminded that every single person has issues, no matter what, so i guess it is just a matter of determining what you can live with and what you can't.

i get so confused on this relationship shit, so sorry for this lame comment. :(

Dream Sequins said...

I'd rather live my life alone, for the rest of my life, than surrender what people used to call "unrealistic" standards. I don't think it's unrealistic to carry a list of qualities that you expect in a mate, because chances are, the dude's got a list of qualities that he has in HIS head.

Charis said...

Um, yes. Yes. YES. Standard schmandards - the truth is there are just some things you do and don't want in a partner. Call it whatever you want! If you get a red flag, kiss the boy on his forehead and send him on his merry way! I have friends and relatives who make me want to bang my head against a wall because I keep telling them that they are not only training themselves to be miserable AND the boys to treat them badly by accepting bad treatment, but they're keeping space filled, so a great guy can't come along anyway!
I'd say, when in doubt, there's a reason. Turn on the spotlight and take a look. All red flags aren't deal breakers, but most of them are. For friends AND more-than-friends. Don't worry. If you pare it down, eventually you'll have only awesome people in your life. :)

Simes. said...

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Love,
A&A

Brown Girl said...

Don't you dare lower your standards. There is no such thing as setting them too high. I've been down that road girl and you deserve the very freaking best and don't settle for less than that. I used to do it all the time, not worth it.

You need a reminder. You know how to find me. Love you and hope you are feeling better! Bessos.

kirstyb said...

im all about standards! i wont settle for 2nd best! xoxooxx

Gabbi said...

Standards are important Liz and I'm proud of you for sticking to them... living with a 'settle' is too hard to stomach.

zupu said...

Standards are a tricky thing, you should still try to keep them high because we deserve the best in this life, no sense taking something so so.

I just remember the time when I had too high standards to achieve the things that I was not feeling ever satisfied but now I have learned how to be more easy with my self and i feel so much better and happier without losing anything or being less good.

I adore your blog dear, such lovely stories and post you have here!

Hanako66 said...

you keep those standards no matter what, do not settle for less!

ryder said...

stick with standards but dont be too hursh,

Diary of a Young Designer said...

beautiful post darling. Always stick to your standards, it's what you need and want.

xo
Sophie

The Politic's Chick said...

I say keep those standards high, with those come respect. Respect for you and respect for him for being man enough to want a woman who cares about who she is and what she represents.

Cheers darling...insightful post.

Elise said...

I just wanted to say your blog is really cool and I've enjoyed looking around & reading your interesting posts. Great pictures too !

Thanks so much for sharing them !

Elizabeth Marie said...

BESOS BESOS BESOS to you ALL

I missed my other home :)

XOXO
Lz

ShoeBox Gal said...

this is the perfect post, it really touches on a good point, luv the blog :)

shoeboxgal.blogspot.com

Nubia said...

Very cool post, I think we all have to make sure to set standards and stick to them =)

http://www.Nubiasnonsense.com

OceanDreams said...

Go you love, standards are the way to go. Don't ever back down.

Andee Layne said...

there are few people who hold high standards these days! Be one of the few! Loved your blog! Please check out my fashion and lifestyle blog www.andeelayne.blogspot.com and i will follow yours! xo

~PakKaramu~ said...

Pak Karamu reading and visiting your blog

Mayra said...

awwww liz. i love you.

how come i just discovered this blog now! where the eff have i been? sorry...anywho...

there's nothin wrong with high standards. a lady like you deserves the best, enough said. you will find him and i can't til you do. he's going to be perfect and you're going to be so happy. lover you babes. xoxo.

Birgit said...

love to read your posts! & beautiful picture.

Love Birgit
www.taukaa.blogspot.com

Lola Lakely said...

Having high standards is much, much better than low standards. So many people make the make of settling because they are afraid of being alone. It's ridiculous. Do you know the later after 28 you get married, the better chance you have of staying together? No harm in waiting if it is going to last. The weddings I've been too when i was about 22, half of them are already split up- it's sad.

Fé... said...

I'm turning 24 a few days ago. And everybody keeps asking me why I'm still sticking to my standard and being single!

We should definitely stick to our standards. Ladies like us deserve the very best of men :)

pixelhazard said...

It's nice to know other people are disappearing to think. I suppose everyone looks for someone who bring the best out in you

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Serg Riva said...

great blog. nice post.

standards? Of course.

DesBisoux said...

jeez!! i could have wrote that! with more !!! and more ... and maybe couple of spelling mistakes. i don't think i really ever had standards.BIG mistake! now i do. thanks to a wonderful guy who totally changed my vision of what a relationship could/should be.
because my life never goes according to plans, we're just friends now (hahaha...) but i am sticking with standards. mr right needs to tick all the important boxes. and yes it's tough and it feels really lonely sometimes.
hang on girlfriend, they're out there! or so i am told by my married friends...
xxx

lancelonie said...

love that photo :)

~ Kelly Ann ♥ said...

Cute pic-love sun flare

kellyannstudio.blogspot.com/

♥Aubrey said...

WHaT...Lizzie where have i been...i've been out of the loop on this here blog. It's our convo from back when. The late night stroll where i walked you to your car :) Luv it as i luv you ♥
Yes...it's true...this man of yours IS out there and you WILL meet. Let God decide the details sweetie and you keep being the fabulous you. Strut your stuff and keep movin' forward...he'll be there one day and you'll look up and be like...IT'S YOU!!! As if your heart never skipped a beat, you'll be in sync and inseperable from that moment on. Lady your day is a comin' and until then...don't lose faith.

meredith said...

i'm months late, but i say DEFINITELY stick to your standards and don't ever lower them

The Cherry Blog said...

I so thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. You echo my own thoughts entirely. I have had a personal battle with my own standards for the last 5 or 6 years, and the last 5 or 6 men!! I have learnt what feels right in my heart, and what you DESERVE to have in your life, and from love. I'm with you girl!!

my fave thing you wrote...?


'But I will choose the next him'

amen!!

I think you might just officially be my new fave blog...! xx

Haddock said...

whoe evr clicked that has done a good job.