What is it that keeps us hanging in?
What keeps us from taking the plunge?
no, not the emotional needy and ripe-and-ready for disappointment plunge once the object of our affection turns out to be unfortunately human,
-but the plunge to say, it's okay, I can give love, I can receive love, and I don't have to let it control me. I can enjoy it like I can enjoy the delicious smells coming out of the bakery window as I walk by it down on the Promenade, not mourning the loss once I've turned the corner and it is no longer taking over my senses?
For me, it is because I don't want to be wrong....how can I respect myself if I give my heart over to someone who doesn't stand up to every preconceived notion of the perfect man that I've ever dreamt up?
How can I consider myself loved if all of my rose-petaled fantasies aren't fulfilled?
How can I give love and not expect it to be permanent and lasting?
And, worse yet, if I do this thing and lose my heart anyway, heedless of my misgivings, and, in the end, it does fail and I am left alone again, how can I face myself? How will I be able to stand up to the torrential self-loathing I'll feel that I broke all of my rules that so intricately protected my heart once upon a time, and failed?
But, as my mentor once asked me, if I do all of these things, and experience love, vs. not doing them and staying closed off forever, will it have been a better life?
To feel the wind and currents and warmth and pinpricks of love and all it entails, or to stay wrapped in padding, impervious but unfeeling?
Which is better?
Which is worse?
We must all decide for ourselves...
But do - decide. Don't not think about it and later wish you had.