Monday, June 22, 2009

By A Thread

What is it that keeps us hanging in?

What keeps us from taking the plunge?
no, not the emotional needy and ripe-and-ready for disappointment plunge once the object of our affection turns out to be unfortunately human,
-but the plunge to say, it's okay, I can give love, I can receive love, and I don't have to let it control me. I can enjoy it like I can enjoy the delicious smells coming out of the bakery window as I walk by it down on the Promenade, not mourning the loss once I've turned the corner and it is no longer taking over my senses?

For me, it is because I don't want to be can I respect myself if I give my heart over to someone who doesn't stand up to every preconceived notion of the perfect man that I've ever dreamt up?
How can I consider myself loved if all of my rose-petaled fantasies aren't fulfilled?
How can I give love and not expect it to be permanent and lasting?

And, worse yet, if I do this thing and lose my heart anyway, heedless of my misgivings, and, in the end, it does fail and I am left alone again, how can I face myself? How will I be able to stand up to the torrential self-loathing I'll feel that I broke all of my rules that so intricately protected my heart once upon a time, and failed?

But, as my mentor once asked me, if I do all of these things, and experience love, vs. not doing them and staying closed off forever, will it have been a better life?

To feel the wind and currents and warmth and pinpricks of love and all it entails, or to stay wrapped in padding, impervious but unfeeling?

Which is better?

Which is worse?

We must all decide for ourselves...

But do - decide. Don't not think about it and later wish you had.


Dallas Shaw said...

crazy photo


Elizabeth Marie said...

I love this...I don't want to feel stupid after so I close myself up...but then I'm lonely and wonder why.
I've decided to unwrap and potentially get pricked. By a prick.

Anonymous said...

"To feel the wind and currents and warmth and pinpricks of love and all it entails..."

i absolutely love this bit.

Thomas said...

I have wondered this myself.

themanhattantransfer said...

Love this- so glad I found my way here!

I've never been in love but also can't imagine an entire lifetime without it. I hope it happens someday, when it's right. I think my greatest fear stems in loving someone more than they love me or falling for someone who doesn't feel the same way at all! Such a conundrum.

a H.I.T. said...

Ahh the prospect of love.

chicmuse said...

just great. I love it.